Single Experiment

I'm back from a work trip that I took for a week..! And yes, some stuff happened.

It's crazy how people react to your story of having a beautiful relationship and having it be over with just like that. And why am I not acting like I'm suppose to act when something like this happens? I'm happy.

But business trip was amazing. Whole week with meetings but we all live on "work hard, play hard" basis. So yes, alcohol was flowing and people were getting closer.

I actually ended up spending a lot of time with one of my coworkers. Let's call him Arthur.

The first time we hungout at night, he was heading back to his room and I was just coming into the main place where everyone was hanging out. So we hugged me across my shoulders and we went for a walk. Talking about things we enjoy in life, things we look in partners. The conversation was a beautiful flow of words that made me feel like someone understands me. And not from a perspective of going through a break but in a sense of me being my own person.

When he walked me to my room, he held my hand, looked into my eyes and told him that I was beautiful. That he rooted for me and wanted to see me succeed in everything that I do. And that he doesn't want to hurt me in any way. Then he learned in and kissed me on the cheek.

Second night Arthur invited me for a walk again. We found a tennis court and popped a bottle of wine that we tagged along. Laying down on the ground under the stars, talking about our biggest secrets. At some point we got so close to each that our bodies had no choice but intertwine with each other...

& then the thunder started.

Skies got darker, full moon went away and thunder blinded us while we were trying not to have our hearts explode out of our chest.

But nothing happened. No kiss, only touch.

The third night I went back to my room, waiting for his text.

*ding* - "Hey do you have 5 minutes?"

He came up to my room with a bottle of wine and we talked about the day and what we thought about the presentations. Our jobs both are very stressful and operate on highly professional level so discussions similar to ours happen all the time.

They just don't include butterflies and nervousness every time Arthur touched me.

At this point I should probably mention that he was married.

I know. I never thought I would be in a situation that would potentially hard a whole relationship and I felt terrible. But in a selfish way, I wanted to do this. But I told him it will be his choice. Whatever happens, there has to be absolutely no regrets.

I brushed my fingers through his hair, he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

"Whatever happens, I don't want to be a regret"

"No, never. All I want is to make sure that I won't hurt you and your heart"...

The passion in his eyes, the smell of his cologne, the carefulness in his touch. I waited.

I knew it was coming and I wanted to feel him.

And he kissed me. First it was careful and asking for permission but heated up into passion. 2 hours later, we were still kissing.

We both had to be up early in the morning and I told him that he should probably get some sleep before our presentation in the morning.

By the door, he asked me not to look at him the way I look at him. He said he loves my touch and how much care I put into it.

It's not something that I've experienced before but we looked into each other's for awhile. It felt like seconds. It felt like hours.

"I'm going to regret this", Arthur said and kissed me. He picked me up and carried me to the bed.

But nothing happened. It never could.

The next day we both left back to our towns but I know that I will see him on Monday. And I will wait. Because eventually I will have him.